The Monologues of the Master

Sometimes I encounter a rare form of species online, The Collector of Random Facebook Friends. Or it can’t really be a rare form as a large portion of the Facebook friends I have received lately has been from this category. I don’t really get the idea behind this behaviour. Are they collection friends for like a purpose or is it just a strange mental rest from when they were like 8 years old and were collecting useless series of collectors’ cards (Pokémon, Hockey Players, Football players, Movie Stars, whatever really it’s a useless piece of garbage kids seem to like collecting, I did it as well ) I encourage my psychology and religion interested readers to answer the delicate question as to why people would act this way

Predicted sample answers,

Psychology: They collect Facebook friends to project a fake picture of popularity in order to fill the emptiness they feel inside:  Diagnosis: Narcissism/Histrionic Solution: Talk about their childhood for 20 hours minimum to see why they still act like a 8 year old on this matter. Charge at least $150 an hour Cost: At least $3,000

Religion: They collect Facebook friends to project a fake picture of popularity in order to fill the emptiness they feel inside: They are unbelievers and sinners who will fall into oblivion unless they convert to the one true faith. Solution: Join a church, pray, confess to the priest, pay church taxes. Cost: $200 up to $100 million (church taxes are based on income and are usually a few per cent)

The Master: They collect Facebook friends to project a fake picture of popularity in order to fill the emptiness they feel inside: Solution: Buy a magical blue coloured mint tablet from me for  and stop doing it because collecting random Facebook friends is pointless stupid and lame. Cost $100

As you can see all the solutions are equally effective but mine is a lot cheaper than the other two. So if you have a habit of collecting random Facebook Friends online and want to break the habit I am the man to call.

And if someone asks me why I accept random people adding me there is three plausible explanations:

• They are hot: and I reckon they might want a deepened relationships (although the collector of Random Facebook friends never wants that, of course if they actually wanted to sleep with me they would fail the definition of the Collector of Random Facebook friends criteria)
• I somehow believe I have met them at some point and I find it awkward to decline their request for that reason.
• Don’t want to look suspicious by not having many Facebook friends. Since everyone seems to be accepting “friends” they don’t know and don't like I would definitely seem strange if I only had people on my Facebook that I know and like.

Moving on: The last few days/weeks I have been pursuing a boozing and hunting comeback as my last online dates can be summarised as boring & dreadful (Although the ones that actually follow my blog does not need a short summary apparently) Although for some reason my housemates have turned into non-drinkers with a huge aversion to alcohol. Oh well when Danni the Dane texted me at 1030 pm asking if I wanted to go to the Ivy with him I actually complied. (1030 pm is a horrible time to ask though, after shawing and changing clothes I will be in the city around midnight;sober!)

I had some minor trouble with the security guards which was originating from the fact that if you are actually sober the monkeys interpret this as you being very drunk and won’t let you in. If you on the other hand are actually drunk they won’t let you in either so it’s a very thin line you’ll have to walk. The reasonable way would be to use breath alcohol meters and that way actually know how much people have had. But instead the retarded monkeys use the “two drinks rule of thumb” where you always tell the security guard that you had two drinks (which in like 90 % of the cases is a lie not that often an overstatement though) and then they use their discretion whether they’ll let you in or not.

Oh well back to the point. We somehow did get to the Ivy and it was my first time ever at “the pool club” and the almost sober hunting went well. If this is due to the Pool Club is an awesome hunting ground is hard to determine as I actually met the girl I hang out with all night in the elevator on the way up.

Interesting fact this evening was that I actually felt some kind of positive feelings around this girl. If this was because we had a special connection or simply because I was less cynical and bitter than usual is hard to determine at this point. Sadly she did not seem keen to take the relationship to a deeper level. But either there actually was/is a connection and that can be solved at the later stage and if not I will simply have to handle the matter myself (In Swedish this is said as “take the thing in your own hands” which is a lot more straight to the point when on this topic. This phrase has also have been a standing joke between me and the Acid Santa for ages)

//The Master