The Monologues of the Master

This morning I got a great idea for a metaphorical Middle Eastern peace initiative. The background was that I had managed to acquire the phone numbers to an American woman and a Taliban woman. In my envisionment of this idea I would bang them both and thus work as the metaphorical bridge that unites people. Obviously that plan failed!

 

I don't know about dating culture in the USA but I am pretty sure it's common sense to not wear sun glasses on a date. After all a date is about CREATING connection between two persons on various levels so they find it appropriate to mate. Sometimes this is not possible due to various reasons which is fine.

A pair of sun glasses has two main uses blocking sun and BLOCKING eye contact which is an integral part of creating a connection. So basically I went on a date with someone whose perception of a good date is to block an essential part of creating a connection. Megafail!

 

I still have the number to the Taliban though so I can still work on a separate peace treaty between Sweden and Taliban country. Obviously she is not a Taliban in the true sense as it would be mission impossible to get laid with a weiled woman who does not have sex before marriage, does not drink alcohol and are accompanied at all times by two angry taliban warriors. So basically this one is just a normal woman who happen to be of Middle Eastern race. This would give a sex probability around 20 % following my long term dating average.

 

Believe it or not but I managed to have another horrible date today. It was basically a pretty ugly woman who has tried catching up with me for a while. Now she actually had put in some effort and have got free tickets to a televised show called Wednesday Night Fever. As it felt morally wrong seeing a woman with no intention whatsover of banging her, I made up the following scenario where she would get me.

If She says "I know  I am pretty ugly, but I have bought cocaine, viagra, booze for tonight, wanna come by my place and get in on?" Then I would definitely bang her. 

Since I know that was highly unlikely to happen I felt pretty safe. But then she appeared in front of me... And if I knew in advance that her face was not mint quality I could never have imagined that she was walrus obese. This made me feel a feeling I don't feel very often, I felt embarrased. And the 40 minutes or so of conversation before the show was really awkward as I don't like associating in any way with walrus fat women!

 

Once the show started however it was cool as she could be anyone that happened to sit next to me in the crowd and I felt no more guilt by association. As for the show it was alright. Some pretty funny scetches and also a fun experience to see how a television show is made before the editing. 

 

//The Master