The Monologues of the Master

Today it was game day with Queens Park. It ended with yet another loss but for 20 minutes it actually looked really good. That was the 20 first minutes of second half when we turned 0-2 to 2-2 and it felt like the mental wall of having 0 points after six games played was finally about to break. Then a guy in our team scored a really unnecessary own goal (Under no pressure one should really be able to clear a ball better) we lost all spirit and lost the game with 2-4. 

 

What I will probably remember from this game is that I managed to get knocked down twice. The first time was the rugby player in the opposing team hit me with an elbow on the nose. I don't think it was intentional though because if that huge beast actually tried knocking me out with an elbow he would probably had broken my nose. My second knockdown was when I was heading the ball and another guy came in two seconds later and just mauled me. I got so annoyed when the referee for some reason did not show that guy his second yellow card, but that ref was seriously a chapter for himself refeereing like it was woman's football and at the same time forgetting his deck of card at home (I.e minimal touch free kick, knocking someone down, still only free kick)

 

As for my performance it was average. I was not the champion of the team in this game and I was not the anchor who pulled us down the depths either. I voted for Laurie as the man of the match. mostly as a friendly gesture, as his fiancee unfortunately saw him play last game which drastically had decreased his attractivness to her.So I promised him that if he was not horribly bad and no-one else was really good he would get my vote.  Hopefully he showed his fiancee the stats from todays MOM poll where he has at least one vote; hopefully this will make her very aroused. If this scenario actually falls through I have through my selfless actions effortlessly improved the life of one my peers; how awesome that would be. :) 

 

As for the anchor of the team this was obviously Josh whom out of consideration for the feelings of our opponents assisted two of their goals. Of course if you just counts the absolute number he had better stats than I did as he had -2 assists while I had +1. If you are using absolute numbers the plus and minus sign does not matter. 

 

Oh anyway later on the day I went to an online date. My hopes for this was not great as my latest two online dates had been absolutely dreadful and on top of that I had a headache no doubt connected to the prior hits to me head during the game. The only thing speaking for this actually being a good date was the thing that she came from Asia and was named Julia; the same name and race as last time I got laid. I was thinking when I did the pre-writing of this entry in my head earlier today that if I actually got laid with another Julia I would call myself Romeo for a while. As it turns out I can keep calling myself the The Master.

 

Not to say that it in any way went bad. It definitely had its moments as she looked better than I expected. She also referred to me as intelligent good-looking and funny. But then came the problem; she claimed she was the kind of girl who liked to take things slow. Glacially slow. I would rather have her say "You are stupid boring and ugly, but I wanna fuck you anyway" than all the compliments and the the glacially slow thing. Of course there is a huge risk that I would be heavily offended if she opened with the hypothetical opening above and thus miss out the important information also given. 

 

Tomorrow I am going on a date with another woman on one of those dates that works out so great in my brain and so horrible in reality. Lasertag and bowling at Strike Bowling. In my brain after playing Lasertag for a few hours she will be so aroused by seeing how good I am so she would see it as a great honour to take me to her bed for a night of passion. I mean I am sure that every reader of this blog would agree that three hours of lasertag followed by a night of sex is vastly superior to three hours of talking and no sex?

 

// The Master