The Monologues of the Master

Today it was time to go on yet another online date; considering the pace I have been keeping, there are soon no more women in the whole metropolitan Sydney area left to offend. But this one was different as my superstition told me this date could be awesome.

This is why; some entries ago I tried to define an ideal woman for me. Straight after I posted that entry a woman wrote to me, and she seemed to match several of the criteria I had set (well at least regarding the looks, I find it hard to determine personality from a profile text although it’s a clear warning signal if the text is very short and full of grammatical errors and misspelled words.)

Oh well with a task that my superstition told me was important I decided to make a serious analysis of my progress and position.  In the beginning of March I rose from an extended period of self-pity and decided to go on an offensive on the dating front. I have had 7 different dates since March 16. Six of these were acquired online. Only one of them had sex with me. None of them were close to any relationship. Although the one who actually slept with me, is still speaking to me on Facebook and seems to be a pretty good girl, which is a funny order of things, but she’s back in Taiwan anyway.

So what’s then my least attractive perk: well most likely lack of money/career prospects. But can this weakness explain why my dates fail miserably? Nope because they are aware of this weakness before they meet up with me!

So moving on I decided to look on what I do right to acquire all of these dates. And I assessed the following:

1.       Relying on my looks, since it’s not that common with 191 cm well trained Nordic guys, there is less competition among those attracted by that look than back home

2.       Not bringing up a lot of controversial topics

3.       Not being overly sex orientated (Apparently there is a lot of guys out there who initiates a conversation by asking for nude pics or by sending a picture of their penis.

Furthermore I analysed what I usually do on first dates:

1.       Not really relying on my looks, by using unironed clothes and not shaving

2.       Bringing up a lot of controversial topics

3.       Being overly sex orientated

So to summarise there was a massive clash between them.

Since my online personality has proven to be a lot more successful, than my first date one, I decided to go for the online personality today, and to prove that point I decided for a more metrosexual look ; I even ironed my shirt! (At the hellhole I am staying at there is obviously no ironing board, but for some reason there is one at the gym I am going to)

And the date went well. I can name three positive things.

1.       She was beautiful

2.       She was a great kisser

3.       She paid her own food ( I can find it annoying to pay the food and drinks for someone who is obviously making a lot more money than I do, but since it’s culture I can’t really ask them for money either so it’s great when they pay on their own initiative)

Any negative then? Well not at the moment but maybe next week (since she is going away over the Anzac weekend I cannot set anything up with her this week)

//The Master

Sometimes I encounter a rare form of species online, The Collector of Random Facebook Friends. Or it can’t really be a rare form as a large portion of the Facebook friends I have received lately has been from this category. I don’t really get the idea behind this behaviour. Are they collection friends for like a purpose or is it just a strange mental rest from when they were like 8 years old and were collecting useless series of collectors’ cards (Pokémon, Hockey Players, Football players, Movie Stars, whatever really it’s a useless piece of garbage kids seem to like collecting, I did it as well ) I encourage my psychology and religion interested readers to answer the delicate question as to why people would act this way

Predicted sample answers,

Psychology: They collect Facebook friends to project a fake picture of popularity in order to fill the emptiness they feel inside:  Diagnosis: Narcissism/Histrionic Solution: Talk about their childhood for 20 hours minimum to see why they still act like a 8 year old on this matter. Charge at least $150 an hour Cost: At least $3,000

Religion: They collect Facebook friends to project a fake picture of popularity in order to fill the emptiness they feel inside: They are unbelievers and sinners who will fall into oblivion unless they convert to the one true faith. Solution: Join a church, pray, confess to the priest, pay church taxes. Cost: $200 up to $100 million (church taxes are based on income and are usually a few per cent)

The Master: They collect Facebook friends to project a fake picture of popularity in order to fill the emptiness they feel inside: Solution: Buy a magical blue coloured mint tablet from me for  and stop doing it because collecting random Facebook friends is pointless stupid and lame. Cost $100

As you can see all the solutions are equally effective but mine is a lot cheaper than the other two. So if you have a habit of collecting random Facebook Friends online and want to break the habit I am the man to call.

And if someone asks me why I accept random people adding me there is three plausible explanations:

• They are hot: and I reckon they might want a deepened relationships (although the collector of Random Facebook friends never wants that, of course if they actually wanted to sleep with me they would fail the definition of the Collector of Random Facebook friends criteria)
• I somehow believe I have met them at some point and I find it awkward to decline their request for that reason.
• Don’t want to look suspicious by not having many Facebook friends. Since everyone seems to be accepting “friends” they don’t know and don't like I would definitely seem strange if I only had people on my Facebook that I know and like.

Moving on: The last few days/weeks I have been pursuing a boozing and hunting comeback as my last online dates can be summarised as boring & dreadful (Although the ones that actually follow my blog does not need a short summary apparently) Although for some reason my housemates have turned into non-drinkers with a huge aversion to alcohol. Oh well when Danni the Dane texted me at 1030 pm asking if I wanted to go to the Ivy with him I actually complied. (1030 pm is a horrible time to ask though, after shawing and changing clothes I will be in the city around midnight;sober!)

I had some minor trouble with the security guards which was originating from the fact that if you are actually sober the monkeys interpret this as you being very drunk and won’t let you in. If you on the other hand are actually drunk they won’t let you in either so it’s a very thin line you’ll have to walk. The reasonable way would be to use breath alcohol meters and that way actually know how much people have had. But instead the retarded monkeys use the “two drinks rule of thumb” where you always tell the security guard that you had two drinks (which in like 90 % of the cases is a lie not that often an overstatement though) and then they use their discretion whether they’ll let you in or not.

Oh well back to the point. We somehow did get to the Ivy and it was my first time ever at “the pool club” and the almost sober hunting went well. If this is due to the Pool Club is an awesome hunting ground is hard to determine as I actually met the girl I hang out with all night in the elevator on the way up.

Interesting fact this evening was that I actually felt some kind of positive feelings around this girl. If this was because we had a special connection or simply because I was less cynical and bitter than usual is hard to determine at this point. Sadly she did not seem keen to take the relationship to a deeper level. But either there actually was/is a connection and that can be solved at the later stage and if not I will simply have to handle the matter myself (In Swedish this is said as “take the thing in your own hands” which is a lot more straight to the point when on this topic. This phrase has also have been a standing joke between me and the Acid Santa for ages)

//The Master

Today I seriously had nothing better to do than going to the computer room at APC and commence writing on my novel. The execution of this idea however had a serious flaw however, the fact that I did not bring a USB drive to save my document on. Instead I save my document on a virtual drive but not enough often as it would show. You see for unknown reasons the IT responsible person has set the computer to delete all user files upon power down. This would not be a major issue if the IT person at the same time had put in a way that caused power down every now and then. So to summarise, the computer shut down twice deleting my files both times so it had to rewrite the document for hours. Learning point is to either save on a USB stick every five minutes (good solution) or write the novel on my laptop (bad solution I focus better in a computer room)

On the good side I almost finished chapter one today, and when that’s done there is only seven to go. Wii... :) (I spent the first day of my not very thriving novelist career writing the plot & character summary so I have an idea how much work there is to be done.)

Oh well among other events I went to Newtown today. In Newtown there seems to be a lot of alternative people whom I don’t have very much in common with. For me it’s not a life changing emotional event to listen to the music of a heroin addict who sings about how he hates himself and want to die. To me that’s simply a depressing and uninspiring way to spend an afternoon. I can’t see the point in cutting light cuts in your skin which gives ugly scars either. I mean either you want to kill yourself and then you cut very deep while in a bathtub, or you try improving your life by doing things you like. Cutting light cuts only seems painful, boring and ugly.

Oh well the reason for being in Newtown in the first place was that I had an online date there.  This one had a funny backstory actually, or not the actual person but the circumstances behind it. You see a few weeks ago I went on a date with the Mensa eagle (Referred to as Mensa woman in previous entry, nickname changed due to popular request) and the day after I got the smashing “you are psycho, go see a shrink”.

However on a later occasion the Mensa eagle said the actually quote was “I believe you would benefit strongly from seeing a psychologist” to me the sentences has the same implication but apparently the exact quotation was important as the incorrect ones implies hostility while the second one apparently is just positive feedback. Oh well the reason for mentioning this in this entry is that the woman I were seeing today was a psychologist who started writing to me the same day I got this smashing. How awesome would it be if I actually got to know the psychologist on a deeper level*  after being told by another woman that I should go see a psychologist(*I have been criticized for using vulgarism regarding how I describe the human reproduction process, so the following rewrite would appeal to the more sensitive readers?)

In reality this was never close to actually happening and in a true revisionist approach I fully blame someone else, an unknown adversary so no-one can get offended. You see the first thirty minutes were going really, really well until something happened. A jackass called from a hidden number. The first time I just denied the call but when the person called again I picked up and there was no-one talking. I clicked the call and the jackass called again, still not saying anything. I muttered something about “fucking stalker” and turned off the phone. The concept that I had a stalker (Which I actually don’t) severely damaged the great rapport we had built up and the rest of the evening went downhill after that.

Please note that one part of the description above is not exactly accurate. I leave it to the reader to figure which of the following claims that is incorrect

• The first 30 minutes of the date went really well    
• An unknown person called three times from a hidden number without saying anything.

Well  with everything going downhill I tried my last assault weapon, a very unsafe weapon with a huge probability to backfire completely which I intended to only use when things seemed fucked anyway. I told her about my Psychology/Catholicism analogy

The Masters Psychology Catholicism analogy

Have you ever considered how similar psychology and Catholicism are? Well I have, to summarise it’s my opinion that Psychology is a scientific approach to Catholicism and I use the following parts to prove my analogy

Sin /Diagnosis: Catholicism is infamous for making almost every aspect of human everyday life a sin. This is to make sure people feel bad about themselves, so they will seek improvement and forgiveness. The only way to get forgiveness is to talk to a priest. To get benefit you are supposed to pay church taxes. Diagnosis: Psychology has a lot of diagnosis. It probably has as many diagnoses as Catholicism has sins (Okay I have not done a count for the exact numbers but you get the point). Diagnoses are made with a similar purpose to the sin concept to make people feel bad about themselves and seek the council of someone with a position of power.

Priest – Psychologist:  A man in position of power: Both have been delegated power from a higher source (either god or science) in order to “help” out the common man from his/her imperfection. In return for this help they expect a king’s ransom in payment and the power to modify the behaviour of individuals.

Unfounded belief in unrelated solutions: If someone is depressed with their current situation the logical way would be to give them pointers on how to reach their goal and wish for the best. The priest however would probably tell the depressed one that he/she should put faith in god and do so through chanting prayers. This solution seems very unlikely to solve any actual problems. The psychologist point of view however is even worse it focuses on finding unrelated childhood issues and torment the victim with these will the clock is ticking and the money flowing in. This approach will definitely not solve any problems whatsoever, but it will cause the victim economical and emotional damage.

Must believe in the product to make it work: Both psychology and religion is strictly intangible products that require belief from the practitioner to work. If you don’t believe in them you’ll just see both the psychologist and the priest as charlatans just out there to rip you off. Most people need to believe in something however and that’s why both products is popular and turn over a lot of money. But compared to a tangible product for instance a car you can’t measure the actual performance of neither a priest nor a psychologist.

Okay needless to say I did not feed her this extended version but a considerably shortened one.  As expected she did not at all follow my train of thought but instead she got offended. This was expected but from my point of view it could have worked provided that she actually saw herself as a charlatan but were happy in that role. I mean honestly if you sell people a placebo product that makes them happy does that make you a smart goodhearted man or an evil deceptive one. In the same way if you get paid a king’s ransom to listen to people whine about their childhood, and they feel better from it as well.  You are after all both winning and your actions lead to a happier world which makes you a good person.

If you ask me which I would choose if I had to believe in religion or psychology? I think I would actually pick religion as I kind of like the term sin better than the term diagnosis. (Furthermore I have actually seen a variety of gods while being heavily affected by magic mushrooms. The concept I am against when it comes to religions is not the gods themselves, but the implication that certain people would have a closer contact with these entities and thus can tell me what the gods want which is complete bullshit I reckon ) Sin to me only means you are human while diagnosis to me a is a way to brand people as less worth simply based on self-proclaimed experts opinions of what is right and wrong in human behaviour.

// The Master

Yesterday I was working at a new place for Work & Travel Company. The place was a racecourse for horses and it seems to be a great way of seeing some real Aussie culture. Basically a glorified RSL club, a lot of people where drinking heaps of booze wearing tuxedos for men and evening dresses for women which was kind of fun since it was in the middle of the day. Even funnier where the hats the women were wearing, a relic from a long bygone era or as woman I spoke to on the way back home put it “Oh yeah, those hats are special I only wear them on the racecourse and when attending 1920-s themed parties” Sadly she reached her station before I had time to ask her about the 1920-s themed parties. I mean I have never been to one of those, maybe that kind of phantasy setting has a truly arousing effect on women? As it seems right now we’ll never know.

Moving on I got seriously puzzled when contacting the Mensa woman I mentioned in the last entry as her response was “You are psycho, go see a shrink” This was seriously not the read I got the night before and I can only see three possible explanations

1.     She caught the cold I had and got really bitter

2.     She uses the phrase “You are psycho, go see a shrink” as a selection method on guys she goes on a first date with. Based on the reaction she decides how to proceed. If this is the case this must be the worst selection method ever as most guys would probably be seriously offended. I mean not even the guy who tries to chew his own arm off due to a Fairy Queen in his flower vase told him to do so to get rid of the chip Aliens planted there, not even that guy, would not be offended by the phrase “you are psycho, go see a shrink”

3.     She suffers from split personality, and her Friday personality despises me.

Oh well, a funny thing did happen on the Friday night after the bashing as I logged in on the dating site and a woman with the following profile had written to me “looks okay, age 30, profession: Psychologist! “

How funny would it be if I actually met up with and banged with a psychologist after the prior woman told me to go see a psychologist? I mean paying $150 to whine about my childhood to a psychologist for an hour is out of the question, but hanging out with a decent looking shrink for a few hours, buy her a drink or two and really get to know her on a deeper level, why not?

Sadly/fortunately the psychologist did not seem really keen so I went out with an attractive/hot (let’s say hot for the positive reinforcement) medicine student instead. Funny enough the latest internship she had made as a part of her Medical Doctor degree was at psychiatry ward. Apparently she did not like this as she found it a bit disturbing to speak to people who thought aliens were going to abduct them. So in a way I met a shrink after all (kind of)

To summarise this date the positive thing was that I yet again managed to keep a conversation going for like three hours, this time a bit more skilfully managing to avoid the worst first date minefields. From the negative point of view there was nothing at all in her body language indicating that she would like to deepen the relationship.

Having said that since I totally missed the Mensa woman’s “You are psycho, go see a shrink” signal I might also totally have missed the hot woman’s “I am so attracted to you, I want to love you long time” signal. Let’s hope so for now until I sooner or later have to face reality when contacting her. :)

// The Master

Yesterday I had a really long great chat with someone online and I also got laid. Of course these two events are completely unrelated.

Let's start with the long chat. I was at school because my school is air conditioned and it's cold outside while the shithole I am staying at is cold and generally disgusting... It also helps motivating me to send out work applications as I otherwise tend to get stuck riding around on a horse hit people with a sword in the head in Mount & Blade: warband.

Oh anyway, I reckoned this woman seemed interesting and I considered setting up some kind of date while I trying my latest filtering technique, Sending a link to my blog. This is not a very good technique as it has a fail rate of at least 80 %.

On the other hand a normal online date I go to also has a fail rate of at least 80 % so in the best of worlds the Sending a link to my blog technique will filter out all the bad dates. Obviously we can't know in advance whether the blog is actually filtering out the good dates or the bad dates, but the only way to know is trying.

Oh well this woman actually liked my blog, so I guess I'll have to see her some day, if nothing else for the sake of science. No but seriously it could actually it could be great fun meeting a woman who likes my blog, last I meet a female who liked my blog it was a former class mate, but she had kids and husband so it was not that much of an opportunity.

Oh well I did get laid yesterday as well. This was also online dating but mostly coincidental. Because I spoke to a girl and asked what her plans were for the day. She said something about having to photograph her friend in the evening but she would love to have a burger at a place in the junction if I were free. I was.

Once at the burger place she told me she was going back to Taiwan in one week and also that I was very good looking. Now everyone, with the exception of the Acid Santa, would understand that it was a goal scoring opportunity, so I offered her a session at my place before seeing her friends so she could warm up after the cold day. She accepted this great offer.  

So the good news is that I have finally broken my dry spell and thus statistically have a lot greater chance of either finding more one night stands or hopefully a really awesome girl... :) On the neutral side I can definitely say that the return for scoring has certainly diminished since I was young boy. I remember while at one digit every girl was a step closer to the magical two digits. Once I passed the two digits I had some pretty unhealthy (in retrospect) hunting completion with some of my friends at the time which also motivated me. But these days it has no real value to me. I don't need to increase my number, and I have never liked the physical aspect of one night stands at all.

Because if I have girl I like it's a relaxed and warm feeling. I get horny and can bang like crazy (although more than three times in a night is just painful so why would I bother, When I set my 7 times in 24 hours record I was in pain for two days, I will definitely never try to beat that) But on one night stand I just feel empty and a lot of pressure. Not really enjoyable.

The least enjoyable thing of the evening was that my fucking prick of a landlord whined at me about being disrespectful to my never present roommate by bringing a girl to the room. He can cram those Korean religious fanatics’ morals up his ass. The correct way to treat your tenants is "So you finally got laid? High five mate" And to his question

 How would I feel if my flat mate were "talking" (banging) when I got in to the room?

The simple answer is that I would probably would take my computer and sit in the kitchen, feeling nothing special at all (Provided he was not banging all night at which point I would be annoyed) Or maybe I would start unzipping my pants, upsetting them both and get kicked out of the room,but hey if you call someone who is blind drunk in a strip club if they could come by with a pack of condoms so you can enjoy your hot one night stand, well you must expect that the message can be received in a threesome way?

 Today I went for a sales job group interview. It was the quickest interview ever. First the manager kicked the old and ugly guy out of the room. Left was me and pretty cute girl, He asked us if we wanted a commission only fundraising job where we would knock doors. "Hell No" I said and left. I actually had a door to door sales job once and even though I had a guarantee salary for the first month at that job I quit after one week since the job was so dreadful, why would I go through the same dread again without getting paid?

 That's all

 //Mastern