Maybe the smartest kid after all, black chocolate and the kitram yoga religion
This Thursday we got our result back from another retarded course I am starting to think that I might be the smartest kid of the stupid kids after all after scoring 98% and a very clear HD. It did go worse for another classmate who somehow managed to fail and sent a text to me whining about this. I simply replied that if losing $250 and having to write the stupid test again were such a big deal in her life, her life in general must be very good, and I should be the one sending texts whining about my life to her instead. After these wise words she realised that her life was great and stopped whining. The truth can be a powerful weapon sometimes... :)
Good Friday did really not live up to the name as I had a cold and it was a really boring day. In general I think it's a very strange thing in Christianity to celebrate that the founder was executed, but hey if that's what he wanted right? If I were a demigod and some jerks tried nailing me to a cross I would just have fried them with some lightning bolts from my hands...
Today I went to the beach reading a magazine included in my gym membership. Mostly boring shit about supplements and stuff, but it claimed dark chocolate was healthy so I bought myself a bar. Apparently dark chocolate is good against heart attack but bad against obesity (while light chocolate on the other hand has no pros and also causes obesity) This is I dilemma as I do know some obese people but I also used to know a guy who died from a heart attack. Obesity is disgusting while dying from heart attack is nothing I fear at present.
If my life follows the example from the guy who died from a heart attack I should be pretty safe at present anyway. Cause that guy was bitter, alone and unemployed for ages and he was healthy as a horse (Smashed me completely at 10 kilometres cross country running at least). Then he found a girlfriend and a job he liked and seemed really happy, more or less living his dream... Then out of a sudden he got a heart attack and died. Since I am hardly living the dream, I reckon I would be pretty immune to a heart attack or as the Swedish saying "Evil gunpowder is difficult to destroy"
Learning point from this story is that if I somehow find the girl and job I want, I should start eating moderate doses of dark chocolate to keep both my heart and my fitness at safe levels... ;)
Still bored with life and coughing too much visit the gym I decided to revisit the Kitram Yoga Religion. I went there a few months ago but missed half of the chanting that time since I somehow managed to misread the advertising folder. For some reason I actually managed to misread the folder today as well, but this time I was an hour early. Since the bar next door served $10 cider jugs (1.1 litre) this was no harm done and instead I saw it as an opportunity to find out whether the Kitram Yoga Religion works when drunk. If anyone wonders: it does not. Chanting boring songs when drunk does not give me spiritual guidance (hallucinations). It was on the other hand a bit annoying that I felt a need to pee after 15 minutes when the session lasted for two hours....
Having said that Kitram yoga religion has its perks
- You only pay $10 and you get a large buffet afterwards
- No silly rules and talks about redemption and hell
- More realistic approach to the age of the universe (Although 13 trillion years seems a bit too much it's still more reasonable than the 6000 years the bible claims)
And to name the cons
- Chanting boring Indian songs for two hours without even getting hallucinations are boring.
- The included buffet only contained vegetarian meals.
//Mastern
Dedicated reader, semiprofessional players and failed follow up research.
When viewing the visitor statistics for my blog I noticed a peculiar phenomen. That the "Read entries" graph were a lot a higher than the "numbers of visitors" graph. Usually these graphs have pretty much the same number, let's say the total numbers of entries read is 8, well then maybe the number of visitors shows 6, so every visitor read in average an entry or two. But for the last entry it was different; the numbers of visitors were 6 but the number of entries read were 25. This confuses me as the logical explanation for this is that someone out of a sudden got the idea to read 20 straight entries in this blog. Since my blog is not twitter and every entry is pretty long this must have taken some time. So who is the one that all of a sudden has taken a large interest in my life?
Moving on to yesterdays soccer practise. Since only eight people showed up we invited three randoms guy in the park to join the practise. I and another guy from the team joined up with the random guys which turned out to be a great move since the three random guys were former semiprofessional players from England. To be one man short and still win the matches with like 10-1 is pretty fun, although it can't have been that fun for the other six guys. The semiprofessional players did not want to join our club do to the joining though, but I guess if we keep losing to over 35 teams we'll have to convice the club board to let some good players join for free.
Last and least important I did some statstical research on the website hot or not. The background is that I try to prove to my housemate the Selfproclaimed Master Hunter (SMH, now that the Swedish House Mafia has split up, the abbreviation would be available?) that my excellent work
A proposition for a rating system regarding physical attractiveness
is far superior to any of the scales guys usually use to rate physical attractiveness. The 1-10 scale is bizarrily flawed in it's whole construction which is why I created a better scale in the first place.
The Research
Oh anyway back to the point. On a 1-10 scale, the average girl (or more importantly the median girl) would be rated 5.5, My research after studying 200 entries however showed that the median girl was rated 7.0 at the site. Furthermore the low quartile would be at 3.25 (The limit for being among the ugliest 25 %) while my studies showed the actual value on the site to be 5.57. Finally the high quartile would be at 7.75 (the Hottest 25 %) while the actual value was 8.0. Thus my conclusion was that all girls where rated to high on the site but especially ugly and average girls had too high values.
I did the same sampling for men, but due to research problems only 47 entries where checked. The findings however where interesting. The median man had a rating of 5.16 which is a lot closer to the expected value of 5.5. The lower quartile for men was 4.0 for men which is closer to the real value of 3.25 but still a bit high. Finally the upper quartile for men was 7 which was lower than the expected value of 7.75
So to summarise, the average woman were rated as high as an attractive man, while an ugly woman were rated higher than an average man. This proves with all due certainty that the rating system on a site like hot or not is flawed beyond reckoning and my own rating system based on weighted averages are a superior tool to use.
Research problems
Sadly the site had several flaws that made it impossible to make any statistically valids arguments, below I will list a few:
- Pictures of the same persons came up at several times, this upsets the statistical balance as we preferably would only use the rating of every person once.
- Many of the women lacked an average due to few votes. For the men this was a clear majority. This created a great uncertainity as these people could not be counted in the statistics which ruined most of the validity
- The easyness to manipulate the score. With few voters on every pictures it's easy to ask a few friends to give a picture a good score. The site even suggested people to do so under the tab "Boost your rating"
If you have any comments or any questions you are free to discuss these with me on facebook. In the unlikely event that you are reading this blog but don't have me on facebook you are free to leave a comment under the comment section in this blog.
//Mastern
Annoying birthday and annoying game
My 28th birthday was an annoying day of my life. First of all some recruitment company actually called me... Twice... From a hidden number. As my room is situated in some kind of cell network blind spot, I could not really understand who I were talking to. But on the second call the woman said, "The Connection is still very bad, can you call me later when you are somewhere with coverage" and hung up. Of course this would be a viable option and a reasonable request... Provided of course that the person does not call from a hidden number..
This was just the first of a number annoying events this day. The second one came a bit later when I checked the score of my assessment. Apparently I missed the "HD" grade for one of the courses by two points. This was expected due to the horrendous grade on the first assessment but it's so annoying anyway. I mean "HD" is the highest grade, and not being the smartest kid in the storage facility for stupid kids, THAT is a bad thing!
Things did not get better as I missed a call from the work & travel company. The arrogant and annoying boss told me that there was work on Monday and that I should call him back.. If you leave this kind of message, would not the least that could be expected of you be that the job is still available ten minutes later when someone actually call you back? I mean I would not object if I called him back three hours later, but ten fucking minutes? Seriously
Then began some heavy drinking which were followed by a tour down to the local pub. In my intoxicated state I thought it was a good idea trying to pick up women by showing them my blog. It is not! To be true I somehow managed to pick up minus 1 woman with this method which is some kind of negative achievement (For those questioning the apparent lack of logic, I sent a link to my blog to an online date I were supposed the day after, but who turned out to be impossible to reach)
Today it was time to play my first 90 minute game for a long time.
The best with this game was the pic of me I posted one facebook before the game. Finally I managed to get more likes with an update than the yellow bathing duck I posted a few months ago. The annoying thing was my own performance as well as the team performance. I were bad, some were even worse and we lost a game by 0-3 to an over 35 team. I honestly don't think we managed to have three passes to the right address in a row for the entire game.
Well I guess we can only improve as a team, there is only one way up from this after all.. ;)
// Mastern
Star training, pranks, and dinner with Anna Anka.
This Tuesday I accidentally went training with the QPFC division 2 team. For some reason my teammates were not there, so I got the opportunity to show my great skill and expertise for more able players. It was quite fun to train with good players for once, but I am quite sure I won't be drafted up six divisions.. Strangely enough I am positive that the A-team of Helsingborgs AIS would beat this team quite easily. Learning point Swedish division 5 is better than East Sydney division 2.
Earlier this week a strange event happened. A superhot woman started writing to me on a dating website. After chatting for a while we decided to play a match of tennis. I got the number but after texting back and forth it just died. This would normally be a prank but it's mystical because I don't know anyone who is the lightly mastermind behind and furthermore if you are pranking someone, why not fool them down to the pitch?
Oh anyway, instead of trying to get laid after losing a tennis match to a hot chick I got invited to dinner, by a woman. This could have been a good thing if the woman was not Anna Anka who wanted some help to comprehend the supereasy course we have at the ripoff college. And obviously it's not the real Anna Anka, but it might well be the younger sister, exactly the same voice and also similar general appearance just radiating intelligence and brilliance!
Today I actually got paid by Anna Anka to correct two of her Failed(!) assessment and write a new one as well. It must be an unusual occurence that someone actually fails an assignment at that school but I guess my advise is:
To Avoid Failing an assessment at Australian Pacific College, format the text so anyone actually
understand what question you are answering. When this is done, make sure to press to press F7
for a spelling and grammar check as pages full of red markings in Microsoft Word is not an indication
on a work well done.
That's all. In an hour I turn 28 so with all probability I failed entry into Club 27. Considering I am not at all a musican, that is probably for the best.
// The Master
Lasertag, no electrocution and an interesting backstory
This Friday i introduced a new champion to the noble sport of Lasertag, Danni the Dane. After a very rough start he got the chance to redeem himself as we in the end of the night faced a very uncommon occurence, a group of four women who were there by themselves without any boyfriends.The were incredibly bad and also incredibly persistent as they insisted on facing us without changing the teams for the last five games before the place closed down.
What puzzled me the most was how easy it was to sneak up on them and shoot them in the back. I mean seriously if you are four persons in a team, and you are facing two persons, how can you let them shoot you unprepared all the time. I mean it can't be that difficult to keep track of two people in a tiny arena, or maybe it can be?
Yesterday I went on two online dates, I have been lying low in that field for a long time but I realized last week that unless someone brings a tazer and electrocutes me it can only go better than my meetings with the recruitment companies.
On the bright side I did not get electrocuted, From a negative point of view it did not go well either.
I did not have any high hopes for the first one as the online communication had been staggering at best. But hey she was good looking and I rather pay for a coffee than sitting at home negative without checking it out right? As expected it was a painful and staggering hour before she had to "work" In the best of worlds she would have said "Hey, we obviously have nothing to talk about, but I am horny so lets go to my place and get it on." Clearly I am still not living in the best of worlds.
The second one did not bring any tazer either. This also went a bit better as she was able to communicate in English which is a good start. The communication however did not bring us to a private place where we could get to know each other better, but instead to an Internet cafe where she repeatedly beat me in the computer game, League of Legends.
After a few hours I got an actual text message that saved me from the continuous humiliation as Danni Notifyed me about free goon and free jelly shots at his hostel. During the evening I took part of Dannis backstory which were interesting although not really accurate. The backstory was that he was avoiding his superrich fathers wrath for spending $ 1 million on booze and various stuff to impress and bang lots of chicks back in Denmark.Lacking the high limit credit card he was now staying in Maze Hostel, a genuinely shitty hostel From a mansion to one of the shittier hostels in Sydney, a reversed Cinderella story more or less (Although Cinderella does not contain any parts about massive conspicious consumption to bang a lot of chicks)
The only problem with claiming to have a superrich dad is the fact that business publications regulary publish list over the superrich people in a country.. :P
Oh well in a way it's good that the story did not check out, it would be terrible annoying to accidentaly befriend a Danish superrich person when I could have accidentaly befriended an Australian superrich person instead. Because if i somehow managed to befriend an Australian superrich person, that person could give me a good job, which would be a nice change of fate..:)
//Mastern
Throw a dice instead and reverse order
Today, I witnessed a different form of recruitment process. It was an amusement park that needed some staff so they just gathered shitloads of people to wait for a decade and then do a retarded group activity consisting of dancing to YMCA, jumping around and telling the group what object one would like to be and why. After this approxiamently one out of six were offered a job.
The exact criteria behind this recruitment was unclear but my guess is that the rationale is that since anyone can do the job, there is no point to actually reading the resumes and this process at least distinguishes the company. From my point of view it would have been better if they just gathered the names in a bowl and then pulled some names at random. That would have saved a lot of people a lot of time.
This Evening I tried something in a new order by the way. I went to the pub and then went to the gym. It was a good gym session and my beer muscles made me feel very strong and powerful. As I am writing this I have come up with a new plan " To get drunk and go hunting at a zumba class" To do this however it would be good a wingman, any volunteers? ;)
//Mastern
Engaging the enemy, lazy gays, vitamin deficiency and soccer tournament
Monday and Tuesday this week I felt sick of playing with my balls so I decided to engage the enemy. In this case I am not talking about hunting women in a bar but walking straight in to the offices of the recruitment companies and ask them for a good job. The outcomes were:
- Some were slightly interested but did not want to give me a job
- Some were completely uninterested and did not want to give me a job
- Some had told there receptionist in advance to not let anyone with my intentions in. Since they did not meet me they could not offer me a job.
Well obviously they did not say "I don't want to give you a job" but the slightly more diplomatic "I can't see that we have any suitable positions at the moment" but then again they would not afford to have an office in central Sydney along with staff if they were not actually hiring people. Oh well there is heaps more to visit as I wanted to spread the fun over several weeks...;)
On the Thursday and the Friday me and another guy from WTC worked at the gayest and poshest furniture store in Sydney. There was like 12 people working there and they were all gay. The biggest mystery of all was what all these people were actually hired to do, because there was never more than three customers in the store. Then again since a normal dining chair was $1500 I suppose they can afford having a lot of staff doing nothing. There was by the way one straight guy, the one who actually had to carry the stuff and make all the deliveries while the gays where drinking wine and doing nothing. Needless to say, this guy was very bitter with life..:P
On the Saturday I worked at a music festival. Except for the customers and the vitamin deficiency it was pretty good. Actually these two factors made it pretty bad. I had a good music festival experience at NYE when I worked in a hidden bar with few customers and a manager who provided us with alcohol. Compared to that awesome event yesterday really sucked!
Today I played an internal six a side tournament with my football club, Queens Park Football Club. Considering I am in the eight division team it was a positive surprise that we actually made it past the group stage to the quarter finals. Once in the quarter finals we were no match for a second division team.
See you again whenever I feel like writing..
//The Master
A great initiator, not a very good striker.
Yesterday I went with a housemate to the Mardi Gras 2013. It's kind of a lame event. You stand with thousands of people along a street and watches thousands of dressed up gay people passing by. Oh well lacking better things to do a Saturday night why not.
Anyway after the gay parade stuff we went to a pub. Not the best most posh or fancy one but the cheapest one. Apparently reasonably priced drinks are high in demand a Saturday night so the place was crammed with people. Once inside the pub my housemate showed his great skills as an initiator and conversationalist, as he time after time managed to get conversations started with girls that did not seem that much into us.(My targetting sensors read nothing) anyway every time as he went to the bathroom or whatever the girls asked me the same question "Are you his partner?" and then they left upon realisation that I am not.
Oh well my house mate explained his methodology with some kind of game theory that women does not appreciate men who too obviously are there to pick them up. I have heard this theory before and even though it would seem strange to actually spend all that time and money on make up clothing and drinks to not get any it's after all women so everything is possible, Needless to say it's a bit too indirect if you speak to a woman for 30 minutes and it turns out she stayed all that time cause she thought you were gay?
As for myself I did get motivated by hanging out with someone who actually managed to speak to people instead of crampingly sitting in a corner refusing to speak to anyone claiming that life is pointless (No one mentioned no one forgotten) Sadly neither my initiation or finishing was top notch so all I managed was to get some seemlingly useless numbers. From various scientific sources it always better to get some numbers just for the sake of not going home empty handed. The best move of tonight was when I spoke to a woman and some guy she had spoken to before left her a note with his number. When the other guy left I asked for the note and upon receipt I just throw it behind my shoulder. Needless to say I lost her a bit later along the way but It could have been a classic move..:)
//Mastern
Saved by the walk...
I were going to write a long and whiny entry tonight. (un) fortunately the 7 kilometer walk back home drained my energy. If anyone wants to read a long and whiny monologue, please let me know and I will get on it tomorrow.
//Mastern
//Mastern
soccer comeback, good exchange and grade conversion
Last Saturday I went to a grading session for a local soccer team. The soccer series in Australia work differently from those in Sweden as instead of promotion and relegation every club has a team in every series and put people in the team that is most appropriate for their skill level.
Anyway the grading session were for the Queens Park FC team from division 5 to 9. I were picked for division 8 which should give more game time than last season. The coaches will definitely be better as worse assholes than the coaches for Helsingborgs AIS last season is hard to find! With a bit of luck I will also do some refereeing this season as the manager for the team asked about anyone willing to be a referee. Of course I volunteered I mean getting paid to walk around on a football pitch, blowing a whistle at random and invoking wrath, who would say no to all that fun again? ;)
On another topic I made a good exchange when I traded a semibroken computer (slow as hell, battery broken) for a semibroken bike. I need a semi broken bike more than a semibroken computer residing under my bed. My trading partner , German Jan, in return needed a semibroken computer more than a semibroken bike as he is doing a East Coast trip, and noone in their right mind would go 3000 kilometers with a shit bike.
Finally I went to a solicitor earlier today to have my degree converted to an Australian degree. This might be another $200 down the drain, but it might also be a great investment. The problem, I reckon is that noone have no idea what "Master in Social Science: Service Management" means in Australia (In Sweden the problem is the reverse the companies DO know) with a bit of luck the solicitor will just check the school (Lunds University = Good) and the duration (Master = 4 years =good) and then give me a good Australian degree. Anyway he is getting back to me on Friday..
That's all
//Mastern out
The power of networking,
Realizing that the employers have probably blocked my E-mail I tried a new approach on the employment market this week. I tried the power of networking. Supposedly this is the major route to jobs and with my E-mail blocked, why not?
The first place I tried this on was the Ivy:s staff party this Monday.To get in you had to get a bracelet which was not that easy to get since noone really knows who I am over there...After some attempts I actually managed to get my department bracelet and get in.
The nice thing this evening was that all the staff got different bracelets so I could easily detect who was a hiring manager. This is indeed a good thing when you trying to suck up to people to get a job. After some not really successful attempts I actually managed to find a manager that told me to come by the day after to discuss my career opportunities.
Among other things to mention is:
- I were not even remotely close to getting some
- Some people asked where I had been the last month indicating that they somehow recognized me, this was kind of awkward since I had no idea who they were
- The Australian eqvivalent of the Sharia religious police, The RSL marshall, told me at 9 pm that my alcohol consumption was over otherwise I risked getting kicked out. After 30 boring minutes of water drinking I managed to find a mask (some people were wearing costumes) and as the masked man the open and free bar was open and free again until closing time.
On the Tuesday after sobering up, I went to the Ivy office to improve my career opportunities. Apparently it was not a good idea to go to the reception and claim that someone told me to come by to discuss my career opportunities. It's always better if you actually know who you are supposed to meet, but then again who remembers the name of random people when it's a open bar? Fortunately the receptionist gave me an E-mail address to get rid of me. which was better than nothing.
On the Thursday I went for an interview due to the receptionist apparently giving me the right address.
An interview for the position as the barback, The barback is the guy who is not dealing with the customers, but simply go down to the warehouse in the basement to fill up the bars, hardly the most qualified job in the hospitality industry. Anyway since it was a group interview I got completely puzzled when I heard the motivation the other guys gave to why the should the job:
Guy 1: Well I am the bar manager for a famous venue in North Sydney but I would prefer to work as barback at the Ivy
Guy 1: Well I am the bar manager for a famous venue in North Sydney but I would prefer to work as barback at the Ivy
Guy 2: I work as some kind of electrical engineer in Brisbane and I have been a bar manager in Europe before so I think I am qualified for this.
Needless to say I had not nearly as fancy reason to why they should hire me, which logically should make me the best applicant. Because the other guys were obviously lying their asses off, and if they were not they must have completely snapped. People who lie there asses off or is mentally instable is needless to say not the right people to choose for a responsible HR associate.
Moving on to tonights events. I had supposedly found a woman who wanted to play lasertag with me. But since she went to the wrong venue (Strike Darling Harbour instead of Strike Entertainment Quarter) this great pleasure was taken away from me. Instead I ended in some kind of strange couple activity hanging out with the womans friend and the hookup of the friend as well. The friend of the woman had apparently managed to get a good job with a dodgy degree from Europe. Since I am looking for a company which gives good jobs to people with dodgy degrees from Europe this was definitely a opportunity for some networking!
I managed to get number, and like a lottery ticket this can be golden until the actual drawing when you realise it was another $12 down the gutter.
As I am updating my blog at 2 am I obviously did not get laid by the way (Or it's not obvious from the time stamp but rather from the fact that I have not mentioned anything about it) My innate ability to offend woman sadly came to life this night as well in the most strangest of ways. Somehow I managed to get into the minefield weight (why is it even a sensitive matter? My weight varies between 87-95 kg and I would not get offended if someone asked me) Apparently guessing that someone weighs 60 kilos is always offensive since, this is apparently more than the average weight of a woman (Unverified, not my statement) Furthermore this guess is offensive even if the subject is really tall.
Who would have known?
// Mastern
Gym challenges, inappropriate text messages, bedway to promotion?
Yesterday I received a challenge from my sister. Something called "The fitness fight" After a healthy January and only a few blissful days with the candy bag and 2 liter coke bottle in February I am unsure whether I really want to take up this challenge. Then again if I am challenged by my sibling I can barely say no, can I?
Since my sister is in Sweden and I am in Australia it's hardly feasible to actually have a face off at the end of the month. So instead we are having a gymflex picture challenge which biology gives me a great head start in. Simply put a woman can't go below 14 % body fat without putting herself through hell. A male can go down to 6% before the real hell start. Thus a man will look more fit on a pic than a woman will. Good luck sis, you will have to go through hell to beat me. (http://www.builtlean.com/2010/08/03/ideal-body-fat-percentage-chart/)
That a woman can be more fit than a man (Or at least more than me) is something I experience every time I go to the gym classes. Today I experienced it more than I usually do as I decided to do two classes. The reason was that last week the instructor on the Sunday afternoon was hot, so I wanted to double the pleasure. Today however the hot one had been replaced with something which encouraged the participant to look somewhere else. So all in all it was two tiresome and straining hours and my eyes where unsatisfied afterwards as well (Gladly I started seeing a bit blurry after the first hour)
Moving on to another topic. Yesterday, A Saturday at 9 pm I received a long text by a woman I have not heard from in a while. Among appropriate reasons to text a guy at 9 pm a Saturday can be mentioned "I am feeling lonely, can you come by so we can get to know each other better" "I am out drinking with my friends wanna, come by and have a drink" etc. The message I got however was very inappropriate! She simply wanted to know if I could fix her a job. Since I am not an employment agency I can not. But even if I were an employment agency I would still be annoyed if someone texted me about it at 9 pm a Saturday night. How rude!
Moving on to the third an concluding topic of todays monologues:
Tomorrow I am going to a staff party for a place for a place where I supposedly work although I never work there. The manager looks like she was really hot ten years ago. On a staff party they serve ethanol in different forms. Ethanol is known to make people more beautiful. Should I try to take the bedway to increase my career opportunities at the place? (Is it called "taking the bedway" in English i.e sleeping with a superior to increase your career prospects)
That's all
//Mastern out
Almost, failure for evolution theory, different work updates.
In my blog comeback I aimed for a two digit visitor count. I just fell short of that with 9 visitors. Oh well I am sure I reach two digits some time, in some sense..:)
Another day at school, and I lightened it all up with my great perspective of evolution theory. It was when the teacher explained the term "bogan" (Aussie slang for white trash) That I came up with some truly amazing statements about evolutionary theory. According to the teacher a bogan was a woman who had like 8 kids with 8 different fathers. From a societal point of view that is unemployed trash with a drinking problem who goes on welfare. From an evolutionary point of view. That woman is a true winner. From an evolutionary point of view a woman should have as many kids as possible with as many different fathers as possible to maximize her chance of gene survival. Darwin failed this day to the moral conservative creationist of class mates rabble but I will have to live with that. On a separate notice I know a woman who is almost halfway to bogan status with 3 kids with 3 fathers. But she is only 29, so she still have 15 years of child bearing ahead of her, to ultimately win the evolution..;)
As for the work updates there is a few:
I actually worked a day as "office assistant" last week. In reality I were moving chairs for 4 hours, but go the title since I interview for an office assistant role at that recruitment company a few months prior. When calling the recruiter to nag myself some more job, she appraised my great chair moving skills, and told me to call another guy. Upon calling the other guy he turned out to be on a holiday
After attending the induction for the company where I never work I thought that all was set for the free booze and the party. But no I had an E-mail about that I should do some boring online courses as well. Seems to be a lot of effort involved in going to company parties for places where you are employed but never work,
//Mastern
The return of the monologues
A few years ago I quit blogging after realizing that it had a negative effect on my employment opportunities and love life. Lately I have considered a comeback as there is not really any room for detoriation anyway. If I were a modern man I would start twittering as that's what people who are trendy these days do. But from my point of view, expressing yourself with incomprehensible short messages with no substance, would not that be a reversal to how earlier specimens of humans spoke like 3 million years ago. I mean "me hungry, me ate steak, tasted good" is to short to really captivate the reader and certainly not worthy of a Nobel prize.
Anyway I could recapitulate last years events but I chose not to, as the positive would be a short entry and the negative would be the illiterate sequel to les Miserables.
Having said that let's recapitulate the last week's events.
Most of the week I have played a computer game called Mount & Blade Warband. In theory this game is complex with diplomacy and stuff. In practice all you do is riding around with a horse hitting everyone in the head with a huge sword. I have also been to the gym a lot lately but I have suffered from a pretty severe morale failure upon realising that losing some weight would not be the magical solution to everything. (A story I might retell in a later entry)
Then yesterday and today I was a bit more productive. Yesterday actually managing to work (pretending to move stuff) and going to a work induction (Listening to some guy who spoke about the gruesomely boring story about a company and how they expected the staff to treat the customers. ) The induction was kind of redundant as it was for a company I did a few shifts for a month ago. So when I first got an E-mail stating that I were supposed to go to an induction I though "Fuck it" . Later that day I got another E-mail about a staff party with free booze. Only an idiot would not go to the induction an thus get automatically fired a few days before the staff party!
The most cliched of all the stuff said at the induction was that the company expected the staff to treat the customers like "family". This is really cliched as:
- A huge amounts of all fights are within the family
- A majority of all violence is within the family
- There is always conflicts about chores within the family
So by treating the customers like family one would potentially beat them up or at least tell them to get their own fucking drink as you are not a servant.
As for myself I kind of treat customers like family. Either I get slightly annoyed (As I gets every time my parents for some reason calls from hidden number, making me dream about it being the Lotto company calling to tell me I am rich, when it's in fact my mum or dad who want to know if I found a good job yet)
Or we hardly communicate at all (Like with my sisters)
Well at least I have not had a fight with a guest yet..;)
Today it was back to school. Since my main reason for going to school is
- Doing a "Greece" with my student loan
- Get a Visa
I can't say I am the best student material at present but somehow the school has managed to underachive my low expecations grossly. Because the school is simply a front for handing out Visas, meaning that they want to set the limit low so noone fails. After realizing that the eight coming Thursday sessions will be "understanding the codes and pricing of flight tickes" I felt strongly demoralised.Luckily I had a reason to skip the afternoon class as I had a interview.
Oh well that's it for now. I can promise all my failthful readers (approxiamately 4-5 people) That it won't be one and a half year until the next entry.
//Mastern
Australien erövrat!
Någon kanske undrat varför jag bara är på en massa asiater när jag befinner mig i Australien? Nu behöver ni inte undra längre för Australien har blivit erövrat.
Min ursprungliga plan för erövringen av Australien gick ut på att jag skulle umgås med min kollega som verkade sugen på relationsfördjupning efter att hon lämnat företaget den siste november. Nu blev råkade det dock komma en lucka efter etanolintag igårkväll.
Att etanolen intogs en tisdag berodde på att den nämnda kollegan bjöd med mig på ett företagsevenemang med segling(inställd på grund av ösregn) etanolintag samt fri mat (Värdelös sådan). Fri etanol är inte så jävla spännande om man har ett jobb och inte är alkoholiserad. Så efter ett antal drycker föreslog jag att vi skulle avrunda kvällen med bio, inte för att där fanns något jag ville se, men för att få bort henne från den lama tillställningen så vi kunde börja hångla. Köpte biljetter till "Contagion" och satte oss i en närbelägen bar i väntan på att filmen skulle börja. När vi satt i baren och väntade på filmen frågade kvinnan vad som var mest intressant för mig, Henne eller filmen. Henne var givetvis svaret och då påpekade hon att henne kunde man uppleva bättre på annat håll. Hade jag varit en äkta snåljåp hade jag här hållit hårt i pengarna och påpekat priset för biobiljett osv, men det vore onekligen att låta snålheten bedra visheten, så jag valde att uppleva henne.
Av denna anekdot kan man lära sig många saker men den mest uppenbara är att "Contagion" är en bra film att bjuda med en tjej på bio till om man vill ligga utan att ens gå och se på filmen!
När jag väl kommit till hennes ställe konstaterade jag snabbt två saker
- Hur mycket mer jag uppskattar att interagera med en kvinna om jag inte befinner mig i The Korean Village med henne.
- Vilket plus det var att interagera med en människa man faktiskt har någon form av emotionellt till istället för att enbart ta chansen pga tillgänglighet.
Kort och gott en toppenkväll.
På jobbet hände för övrigt en kul grej. För jag hade bett kvinnan jag umgicks med natten innan att skriva en personlig referens i och med att hon slutar nästa vecka. I standardmallen för en skriftlig referens i Australien finns följande fras med "I have worked closely with Martin...." Hon kom förbi pekade på meningen och skrattade, ja ibland överträffar verkligheten dikten..;)
// Mastern
The Village has him now.
Min långa tid i the Korean Village börjar sätta sina spår! Kan äta obehindrat med pinnar, verkar vara på väg in i en ny torrperiod, dricker sällan och idag såg jag en film från Korea med galna Koreaner. För att bli en fullfjädrad Korean ska jag dock börja torka mig i röven och slänga toapappet i en papperskorg samt stryka hela mitt sexuella record, så en bit kvar har jag dock.
Den Koreanska filmen jag skådade på rekommendation av byborna (I saw the Devil) var helt störd och symboliserar därmed Koreas kultur ganska väl. Sammanfattningsvis handlade den om hämnd, tortyr och våldtäkt.
På spelfronten återställde jag ordningen när jag krossa the Korean Killer i både Lasergame och Air Hockey. Eller ja krossa och krossa, vann flera omgångar med en ynka kill i marginal, men desto roligare att knäcka honom på det viset. Idag skulle jag visa den okyssta oskulden hur man jagar kvinnor, en tävling som bara kan sluta med vinst eller oavgjort, men han sjukanmälde sig, jag fann ingen annan sidekick så min lever får ytterligare oönskad vila!
På jobbfronten blev det föga oväntat diss på min ansökan om fast jobb, så jag får göra en storoffensiv och bomba Internet med mina ansökningar. För om jag inte gör någonting, kommer jag tillbaka till Sverige, bor hos mina föräldrar och förnedras av Arbetsförnedring. Ingen människa med någon form av självrespekt accepterar detta öde utan en kamp. Om kampen sen skulle gå förlorad så är det bättre att falla med flaggan i topp än att bara ledas till slakt som ett djur!
För övrigt har det blivit en rätt tydlig och intressant vändning på bölerifronten den senaste tiden. Historiskt sett har det varit jag som varit den som ägnat flest fyllor åt självömkan och böleri, men på de senaste månaderna har Syratomten ringt mig och fyllebölat fyra gånger! Med tanke på att han bara druckit vid 5 tillfällen är det rätt dåliga stats. Den femte fyllan fick han nästa till det så då hade han lyckligtvis bättre saker för sig!
I morgon blir det tennis och poker. Må The Winning Streak fortsätta då..:D
// Mastern
Losing spree.
A good weekend is a weekend when you lay a hot chick and win every competition. This weekend was the opposite of this as I lost every competition and were not even close to getting some.
The Plan for the Friday was to once again beat The Korean Killer into oblivion at Lasergame. Considering that this is what have happened every time I've faced him this goal was more than realisitic. To spice the whole thing up a bit I invited a girl to Lasergame to give me a chance of finishing the side quest "Get a girl to Lasergame and then get laid"
So what happened? The girl did not show up, The Master got frustrated and kicked a wall, started limping and lost every single game to The Killer. After five games I just gave up and went home. Bad start of the weekend. Mastern 0 - The World 1
The Saturday was uneventful except for the poker tournament I played unsuccesfully. This was not a major drawback though as I never win the poker tournaments and it's free rolls made up mostly as a passtime on a nearby pub. Mastern 0 - The World 2
On the Sunday the losing spree commenced at the social tennis at the nearby tennis club. Playing doubles winning one and losing five games are not great stats and I can hardly claim to have carried my co players to any victories. Having said that I really don't fancy playing doubles that much since my strengths on a tennis court is my reach and my stamina, while my weaknesses are my serves and my technique. In doubles you don't need reach or stamina thus rendering my strengths useless. Having said this I am still aiming for a revenge next Sunday! Mastern 0 - The World 3
Later on the Sunday I met up with the psycho girl from the last entry. This could have ended with anything between getting some and being stabbed. Luckily I were not stabbed but as stated in the beginning of the entry I did not get some either.
Mastern 0 - The World 4
Finally I managed to get beaten by the Korean Killer at Bowling on the Monday, after my worst effort for months, finishing at.
Mastern 0 - The World 5
and
Mastern 0 - The Korean Killer 2
I don't know which of the two that stings the most...
// Mastern
Leap of Faith and extra confusion woman.
Today I made a stand, an attempt to not have to spend numerous months at my parents house, an attempt not to humilated by mortal enemies back home "The work Humiliation" (The Swedish Work Agency). In clear I asked my boss to give me a permanent job so I do not have to go home in a few months. The attempt actually does have some chance of falling through, however there are two slight difficulties.
-
Australian immigration laws state that no permanent jobs are to be given to foreigners unless they are actually important to the company.
-
The same laws state that for a job to be deemed important for the company the pay must be at least 50 grand a year.
The first clause is no big deal, if they want me I can just write a long letter explaining how important I am for the company and ask the boss to sign. The last clause is the one I think will kill my attempts, as the former person on the sought position had $ 45000 a year and maybe the boss does not understand paying 5 000 more to have the Master at the office is an awesome idea!
On another topic, understanding women is not something I generally do, but yesterday I got extra confused nevertheless! On the Oasis Dating website there was a woman who first said "I don't like sex, I am just looking for friends is that okay for you?" I can't really say that it's not okay, everyone is free to like whatever they like and it's not really affecting my life in anyway so I said "Yes of course, no problems for me" But then ten minutes later came the confusing part when she said "Oh I really love the view from my bedroom window, you should come by and see it some day, you can see all of Sydney from here" a phrase which usually means "I want to fuck" Fascinating!
On a third topic I've made a bet with the Acid Santas hot and failed hookup over skype regarding which one of us is to mix with the other one's race first. To win this I need to score a latino chick, any suggestions?
// Mastern
Mastern 3 - Syratomten 1
Häromdagen fick jag höra att Syratomten hade fått hångla med snygg tyska föregående helg men att han misslyckats med avslutet då han bodde i en sniken sovsal. Det man eventuellt kan överväga i en sådan situation är:
- Om ekonomin tillåter, vilket den gör i hans fall, hyra ett bättre rum för natten
- Dra in henne på dass och köra där.
Uppenbarligen är det förstnämnda alternativet bättre.
Nu är ju dock Syratomten milt uttryckt inte någon utpräglad målskytt, men jag fick ändå vibbar från i början av Australienturnen där jag var helt under isen och han hade the hunting time of his life. Kanske skulle ST i år bryta trenden och lyckas med att fixa två ragg under samma år?
Nu är ju dock Syratomten milt uttryckt inte någon utpräglad målskytt, men jag fick ändå vibbar från i början av Australienturnen där jag var helt under isen och han hade the hunting time of his life. Kanske skulle ST i år bryta trenden och lyckas med att fixa två ragg under samma år?
Nåja igår kom 3-1 målet för Masterrn istället vilket med all sannolikhet avgör kampen för alla er där hemma som har oddsat! En ganska udda historia faktiskt. Träffade kvinnan i fråga sist jag var ute och söp för några månader sen. Vid det tillfället verka hon sugen men hon hade med sig en elak väninna som verkade missunna henne det goda i livet. Men jag tog hennes nummer och vi SMSa lite vid tidpunkten men det blev inget med det för hon stack till Europa eller nåt.
Hursomhelst för några veckor sen SMS-a hon mig men jag var så upptagen med mina föräldrar på besök att ett möte fick vänta. Dessutom var jag inte särskilt angelägen då jag enligt extrapoleringsmetoden "snygg på fyllan intetsägande på riktigt" tog för givet att hon nog inte var särskilt snygg.
Igår styrde jag dock upp mest för att min helg såg oroväckande händelselös ut. Till min stora förvåning var hon snygg på riktigt också! Faktumet att folk ibland är snyggare på riktigt än man minns dom från fyllan är ett svårt vetenskapligt problem, etablerad forskning säger att folk i snitt blir 25 % snyggare på fyllan, men egentligen ligger alkoholvariansen i mitt fall på uppskattningsvis mellan - 10 % och + 40 %, de vill säga folk jag träffar på fyllan kan var allt från 10 % snyggare på riktigt, till 40 % fulare på riktigt. Bruden igår var 10 % snyggare på riktigt vilket var toppen.:)
Dejten var väl inte så mycket att snacka om, satt på café slängde upp 20 dollar sedeln och köpte in några våfflor. En rätt tydlig signal på att en kvinna är sugen är om hon lägger handen på ens lår, en signal som de flesta inte missar. Jag såg dock ST missa detta när han var med en snygg brud i mars, men som sagt ingen utpräglad målskytt. :) Jag gjorde vad brukligt är i denna situation, jag frågade om hon var sugen på att se en film. Vid ja frågade jag om hon föredrog att se den hemma hos henne eller på biografen mitt emot. Hon svarade att mitt ställe nog blev bäst, eftersom hennes elaka väninna inte gillade att hon umgicks med The White Devil (givetvis sa hon något helt annat, men detta var andemeningen). Även här hade Syratomten förmodligen kunnat missförstå helt då ingen rimlig människa åker 1,5 mil för att se en film på en risig Laptopskärm när bion är mittemot fiket.
Väl framför den risiga laptopskärmen med den risiga filmen tänkte jag att jag skulle prova en ny taktik och inte försöka få till det, i en ansats att skapa en mer personlig relation innan relationsfördjupningen. Detta höll i cirka en halvtimme sen hade kvinnan tröttnat på den risiga filmen och börja ta mig på kuken och vad fan skulle jag göra liksom..:) OBS Inte ens Syratomten hade kunnat missa det uppenbara i den sista signalen.
En lustig detalj förresten, jag har avverkat halva Asien snart, (Filippinerna, Korea, Kina) men inte varit i närheten av att få till det med en vit kvinna på hela året, fram till för två månader sen hade jag aldrig rasblandat. Nåja eftersom risken finns att man köper fru vid 40 är det lika bra att börja vänja sig redan nu..;)
// Mastern
Några livstecken med mera.
Från bloggens facebookfansida (Ja det finns faktiskt en sådan) såg jag ett meddelande tidigare idag om att det var dags att gå ur mitt ide och börja blogg igen. Uppenbarligen hade detta meddelande någon form av effekt eftersom jag skriver detta inlägg i detta nu, om det sen rör sig om elchocken som fick liv i bloggen eller bara en tillfällig väckning av liket det återstår att se.
Den viktigaste händelsen på sistone är att mina föräldrar släpade sig förbi och temporärt förvandlade Australien till Costa del Gratis för undertecknad. Allt gott har ett slut, och på fredag blir det att slita på bankkontot igen. Höjdpunkten var Jetbåtsåkningen i Sydney Harbour. Valskådningen var inte lika gött då båda jag och morsan var klena nog att bli sjösjuka en vindstilla dag. Det jag såg av valarna var inget märkvärdigt dock. En fet kosläkting som ser ut som en fisk och kommer upp för att andas var femte minut, vem bryr sig egentligen?
Färden till Fraser Island hade annars kunnat bli oktobers höjdpunkt om det inte vore för att en flygstrejk medförde att det som skulle bli en glassig gratisweekend på stränderna i Queensland förvandlades till en två dagars 130 mils bilresa i en miniatyrbil då mina föräldrar rimligtvis inte kunde förvänta sig att jag skulle åka med dom tillbaka med bilen till Sydney, när de hade köpt en flygbiljett till mig. Två dagar i en miniatyrbil och två dagars löneavdrag: Tack för det Qantas!
På jobbet har det efter att faktiskt ha jobbats en del de första veckorna fallit tillbaka till ett lugn som bara kan brytas av en flygstrejkt eller en överenergisk chef från USA. Flygstrejk var det som sagt men lagom tills jag kom tillbaka hade den lagt sig. Chefen från USA har säkerligen bättre saker för sig än att granska Masterns arbetsinsatser så där känner jag mig också säker ett tag till då hon annonserat att hon blir kvar i USA ett bra tag.
På kvinnofronten är det som väntat dödsstiltje. tråkigt nog lyckades jag inte bygga upp något momentum efter mina inte allt för snygga mål. En dubbeldejt där jag och Syratomten mötte på några kvinnor som Mastern hittat är allt. Att gå på dubbeldejt med Syratomten som inte direkt är känd för att charma trosorna av kvinnor är ju sällan framgångsreceptet för succe men ett större problem var att bruden som kallat dit mig var tjock, och att lägga i en tokoffensiv på väninnan framför ögonen på valen, ja det känns inte direkt som formel 1A för succe. Lyckligtvis kan jag skylla dödsstilltjen på att jag spenderat en massa tid med mina föräldrar och så vidare. ST som varit arbetslös, har bankkontot välfyllt och troligtvis även har utseende för att få ligga oftare än var tredje år, får skämmas mer än jag på den fronten.
För att rapportera om övriga stjärnor här nere så har The Korean Casanova fått för sig att han ska tjäna mer än undertecknad. Eftersom han uppenbarligen saknar all talang på att löneförhandla så innebär detta att han jobbar från 9-23 och därmed uppenbarligen saknar tid att jaga. The Korean Killer är 20 och har aldrig blivit kysst. Inte direkt sidekickmaterial. Den enda Sidekicken med lite potential är den alkoholiserade dansläraren som enligt egen utsago har ett score på 95. Enligt egen utsago såg förvisso hans nya ragg ut som Penny i "The Big Bang Theory" en version som fick revideras kraftigt då ragget la till honom på facebook och undertecknad därmed kunde se hur hon verkligen såg ut. Med tanke på att hans föregående ragg gick under namnet Big Momma, var svart som natten och vägde minst 100 pannor, så har jag trots allt en viss förståelse för hur han kunde se skönheten i hon nya.:)
I övrigt har jag några projekt jag jobbar på, men uppdatering om dessa kommer senare.
// Mastern
